Seeing Beauty

I am a pretty typical introvert. An INFP on the Myers Briggs to be exact. I can remember a time before I had kids when I would run to the grocery store and not speak to anyone. My goal was to get my stuff and go through the self check-out line and get the heck outta there. Speaking to strangers is not really my deal, I enjoy the anonymity of big cities and large crowds. If I know you and I love you then I will talk to you all day, if I'm leading a class or speaking to a crowd, then I have no problem connecting and being present. But, I am not typically super friendly to you if you are a random person at Walmart.

Which makes the fact that my daughter is the most extroverted, friendly person that I have ever known kind of hilarious and awkward for her introverted, introspective mamma. Lily likes everybody, everyone she meets is her new best friend...and so, our trips to the grocery store become long drawn out meet and greets with literally EVERY SINGLE PERSON that we happen upon. And as much as Lily loves people, people love Lily just as much, if not more so. Most of the time, when she is talking away at people, I just smile and stop briefly and say about as little as possible to them before moving on. I answer their questions about the kids, "No, they aren't twins." "No, we didn't mean to have them 13 months a part." "Yes, she is very friendly, isn't she?" and then we push on to the next aisle where we go through the same song and dance over and over again.

To be honest, I get a little stressed out having to speak to every dang person at United in Borger whilst in my 4 year old pre-baby yoga pants that probably have boogers on them.

This morning while we were at the little Farmers Market here in town Lily struck up a conversation with a very sweet lady. They talked and laughed and I nodded and smiled and tried to make sure Levi didn't run into the street. I wasn't really listening or super involved in what they were saying as I was thinking about all the things we needed to do that morning.

As we were loading back into the car Lily said to me "Wasn't that lady so beautiful, mom?" And this question gave me pause, because the person that we were speaking to was certainly very kind and pleasant and had a very inviting smile but was not someone who I would have identified as being beautiful in the traditional sense. I asked Lily then what made the lady beautiful and she responded to me "She had a very happy heart."

I looked at my child who is so young and yet so very wise and realized how much she truly sees people without judgement and with grace. She saw a person that I would have overlooked 9 times out of 10 and saw her for what she was, a woman of great beauty because of her happy heart.

Sometimes I see the world through very jaded, impatient eyes. I look at people and see income or education, I look at people and quickly categorize them. I deem others worthy or unworthy by how they look, when I see them at all, because most of the time I am to busy and in my head to even notice. And I miss out on truly seeing people and their hearts because of my own preconceived notions.

I am thankful for the opportunity I now have to view the world through the kindness and love of my kids and I hope that especially on a day like 9/11 we cease to see what separates us as people and we can see people across nations and cultures and religions and political affiliations as they are. People created in the image of God.

My prayer today is that we can all begin to look at people the way Lily looks at people. That I can be present to the beauty that is in each and every person. Jesus was so right on when he spoke of the little children inheriting the kingdom and how we each needed to be more like them.

May you see like a child today, friends. May you see someone's heart instead of just seeing their clothes and their position in society. And may you remember that all it takes to be beautiful is a happy heart.

Creation Creating

Have you ever been involved in the creative process of something big? What was that like for you? Being in on something you believe in. Giving life to something you dreamed up. For me, there is nothing better than being with other creative souls and coming up with something new and beautiful and exciting.

I think a lot about how amazing it is that God is not only "The Creator" but a creator who asks his creations to join him in his creating. :)

Right now there is a desperate need in our churches, our communities, our denominations and our homes for people who create.

We find ourselves drowning in cynicism. It is so easy to criticize the way so and so does things or the music on Sunday morning. It is much harder to look at church and life and instead of critiquing, creating.

Deep within each of us is something that is unique and lovely and wholly ours. Something that was placed in our hearts by the supreme creator. When we draw closer to God we draw closer to ourselves and the rhythm of creation. Being in union with God brings forth such amazing things.

On the other end of the spectrum though, are those that are far from God and far from themselves. Folks who are dry spiritually cease being fruitful. Instead of looking at life and saying what can I bring, they look at life and ask "What's in this for me?"

And we've all been there, haven't we? In that place where criticism rolls so easily off our tongues. Where we forget that we are invited to be a part of a community that relies on each other to be the hands and feet and eyes of the body of Christ. A body that does not work very well without all of it's parts.

I think of the Pharisees, so quick to abide by what had always been done, so eager to point out Jesus's flaws, not really doing anything to further Love but doing everything they can to keep up the status quo.

Whereas Jesus was giving. Life was flowing out of him. He didn't agree with the way church was being done in his time so he created something different. He created opportunities for people to learn, he created true community, he created in a way that made other people realize that they too could create.

Is there strife in your congregation? Do you feel like there is a war raging in your place of worship or your home? What is your solution to the discord of this life?

Cynicism is easy because it requires nothing of you but stinging words and a negative heart. There is no fruit that comes from being a critic.

Creation on the other hand, requires a lot of us. In fact, I'd say, it requires all of us. And the fruit that comes from putting forth all of your effort and heart into making something beautiful is just amazing. It is also hard and scary....but well worth the fear to be a true part of the Body.

What lies within you is so vital to the health of your church. You have the ability to create and to bring forth life and to honor God with the work of your hands and of your heart. What a wonderful God we serve, one who inspires and invites his creations to continue his work of making all things new in love.

“Pay close attention now: I’m creating new heavens and a new earth. All the earlier troubles, chaos, and pain are things of the past, to be forgotten. Look ahead with joy. Anticipate what I’m creating: I’ll create Jerusalem as sheer joy, create my people as pure delight." - Isaiah 65:17-18

Deconstructing the Church so we can Reconstruct the Church

"If our love of God does not directly influence, and even change, how we engage in the issues of our time on this earth,

 I wonder what good religion is." 

- Richard Rohr 

A few weeks ago I spent several days in silence. And it was good and scary and it brought things to light that I have been avoiding. 

While sitting in silence I began to see clearly what has been dormant in my mind and in my heart for so long. I look at church in America (the universal church not any particular church) and I see anger and a desire to control and I see a lot of things we are against and not a lot of what we claim to be for. I see my own denomination falling apart because of petty arguments (falling apart as in losing 50,000 members a year) I see us ignore what is happening to our planet as we bicker and fight over politics and theology. I see thousands upon thousands of people leaving the church because we have lost sight of ourselves and of Jesus and what is left is a hollow and a poor imitation of what we should be. 

Somewhere along the way we have lost ourselves. Instead of being an organization that welcomes all people and that is on the front lines of social justice we have become an organization that oppresses. Quoting scripture, knowing all the rules, but having no love in our hearts does not the body of Christ make. 

For weeks I have felt disillusioned. I have raged and struggled and spent a lot of time in prayer and spent time talking through all of this with people close to me.

And through my anger and disappointment this came to light - It is very easy to deconstruct the church. It is very easy to look at it and to say "Man, this place is jacked and I am outta here." But, what's hard is trying to reconstruct. And reconstruct we must.

Are you dissatisfied with the church? Do you look at the landscape of Christians in our country and feel like we aren't loving people as we should? Then lets do something about it. The time for sitting in silence or just giving up on the church as a whole is over. Transformation only comes when we are ready and willing to move forward.

Deconstruction is necessary. Reconstruction is necessary. Getting back to loving people, living humbly and caring for those who don't have a voice is necessary.

The church has no business in politics and we certainly have no business being in debt up to our eyeballs. We have no business acting as the morality police.

Our business, our one and only business is to love.

And love is gentle. Love quietly helps others. Love turns the other cheek. Love ensures a better future for all of us because it takes care of the planet and every inhabitant. Love inspires. Love encourages a dialogue with people who are different than us. Love welcomes all. Love is invitational. Love listens. Love is for humanity. Love creates.

I love the church. I love the idea of a community of people living life together. And so I am committed to work for change. Even if that makes me unpopular. Even if that drops this blog readership down from 6 to 2 :) I will move forward with love and with hope.

There are already many people and congregations out there who are living all of this. Who are saying no to the status quo and who are bringing change to their community. If we all do what we can with what we've got then there will be widespread rebuilding.  There is hope for the church, there are wonderful people moving in the Body and in every death there is the chance for resurrection.

The time for reconstruction is now. It starts with you and I holding on to love, letting go of  what was, so that we can become what we were created to be.

After the Mud

I was able to go on a silent retreat this past week. It was refreshing and Holy and also shook me up in ways I can't yet properly express.

Silence is something I know that I need. And yet it is very rare that I seek it out. It's hard to be silent. It's hard to be open and vulnerable before God. It's hard to set down my agenda and just be.

It is so vital to our faith life though. Jesus models this need for silence many times in scripture. He knew the importance of being silent and of recognizing the Holy. He sought out this silence even though it was difficult and it didn't make sense to others. He did what he needed to do to be Present.

And so, last week I found myself driving from the Panhandle to Palestine with two grumpy toddlers, with a pit-stop at my parents house to deposit said toddlers on the way. It was hard for me to get there and I thought several times about not going. Valid excuses like distance, cost, and finding people to watch the kids kept coming to my mind,

There is always resistance when I'm headed somewhere deep.

In spite of the journey and all the mundane details that had to fall into place I found myself in Palestine on Tuesday, tired but thankful that I'd made it.

Wednesday morning I woke in silence, excited about the day. I set out right after breakfast to walk a trail around the lake. I love this trail. The scenery is beautiful and I was looking forward to seeing all the wildflowers in bloom and just communing with God in nature.

Not long into my walk I came upon about a 20 foot section of the trail that was flooded.

I stood there for a while thinking about what I should do. I'll admit I was pretty put out by all the mud. That trail is a favorite of mine and I had really been looking forward to my walk. Sadly I turned around to head back to my cabin. It came to me then that I was letting a little bit of mud stop me from something I really wanted to do. Why was I letting something so inconsequential interrupt my morning? Yes, I would get muddy but I'd also get to where I wanted to be. So, I rolled up my pants and kept going. 

  

My shoes got muddy, my pants got muddy, I almost busted it several times but I made it through. And right after the trail dried out I came upon just about every wildflower you could imagine. I saw deer and birds and butterflies. I had a wonderful, beautiful refreshing time with God in the midst of creation. And I almost missed it because of some mud. 

Maybe today your journey is looking pretty muddy. You could turn back to avoid getting dirty, that would be the sane thing to do probably. Or you could just roll up your pants and trust that on the other side of the mud are wildflowers.

May you continue on your path in spite of the obstacles. And may you be blessed by the beauty and the wisdom and the mud from your walk. 

Transformation

I love Easter. Really, it's my favorite day of the year. So much celebration and hope and excitement. I love everything about that joyous day.

It seems that I am not alone in my love for Easter because each year I see the church filled to overflowing. Everybody knows if you want to get a seat on Easter Sunday you gotta get there early. Who wouldn't want to celebrate the resurrection of the Savior? Amazing.

What is interesting to me is that as full as the church is on Easter, it is pretty empty on Maundy Thursday and Good Friday or at an opportunity to walk The Stations of the Cross during Lent. I would say church attendance during those experiences is probably 5-10% of what it is on Easter.

Easter draws a crowd because it is a celebration of Jesus having risen from the dead. It is a beautiful and necessary and vital part of our story as Christians. But just as vital is the last supper, and the crucifixion. Jesus suffered immensely during this time. He was betrayed by his friends, by his government, he was tortured and he died in a very brutal way.

It makes sense that we would want to be a part of the Easter story while skipping all the pain that led up to the resurrection. Who wants to remember pain and suffering, especially that of our Jesus?

 But the thing is you cannot have resurrection without a death and you cannot have a true transformation without some suffering.

We all want to be resurrected, we all want to be transformed but we'd rather skip the transformation process, because that means we are going to struggle and hurt and die and man who wants to do that?

When we take the suffering out of Jesus' story I feel like it cheapens the glory of His resurrection and it creates false expectations for our own lives. Avoidance of suffering with the expectation of transformation doesn't ever end very well in my experience :)

The glory of the Easter story is that even though Jesus suffered immensely there was new life, even though he struggled and felt abandoned by everyone (including his Father) there was a beautiful life changing transformation in Him. The Easter story in it's entirety reminds us that no matter how bad things may be that God is with us and that if we allow it, a new work is being done within each of us. A new work that is more glorious and beautiful than we could have ever imagined.

Suffering is a  necessary part of our existence. Through hardships we are made new if we choose to be made new. When we die to ourselves or to things that keep us away from God it is painful but it is so worth it because we discover that God Is. We discover the vastness of his love for us.

During this season I encourage you not to avoid or to dismiss Jesus' suffering or your own suffering  for that matter. But, to truly embrace it as a part of the transformation and resurrection story.

I leave you with a few lines from the Hymn of Promise. Which to me, perfectly captures the new life we find in the struggle.

Hymn of Promise

In the bulb there is a flower; in the seed, an apple tree;
In cocoons, a hidden promise: butterflies will soon be free!
In the cold and snow of winter there’s a spring that waits to be,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

There’s a song in every silence, seeking word and melody;
There’s a dawn in every darkness, bringing hope to you and me
From the past will come the future; what it holds, a mystery,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

In our end is our beginning; in our time, infinity;
In our doubt there is believing; in our life, eternity,
In our death, a resurrection; at the last, a victory,
Unrevealed until its season, something God alone can see.

Without Projection

I found myself last night at fundraiser for a what I know is a good cause. As I was listening to speaker after speaker I found myself becoming agitated. The words I was hearing and the postures of the speakers were what I considered to be harsh.  I was hearing a lot about how evil the world was, how we must defend our faith, etc. I don't find the world evil as a whole. When I hear the term "defend our faith" all I can think of is arguing and being defensive. It troubles me to think of being on the defensive as I go out into the world.

Why wouldn't my posture just be one of love and not defense?

And when I hear people talking about Christians and non Christians in an us verses them kind of a way, I shut down.

After leaving the event my husband and I had a long conversation about it and in particular my feelings and judgement against people I see as having the wrong idea about scripture.

 As if my ideas were always right, right? When I sit in judgement against others because their version of Truth and their interpretation of scripture is different I am projecting my own issues onto them. I cease to hear their kindness and their devotion because it is packaged slightly different than my own. It is a hard thing to sit with someone who has different beliefs than you (even when you are in the same faith) and hold their statements without judgement.

The truth is their is an arrogance in me. An arrogance that views the world very narrowly. And when I approach life and people and ideas with an attitude of judgement I miss out.

The folks at the even last night do good work. They believe fully in what they are doing. They love others well through their ministry. They are a blessing in their community.

And I almost missed out on that blessing because of projecting my own  insecurities and ideals onto them. I almost missed out because I was judging what I perceived as their judgment of others.

Which is crazy.

If we could all set aside our snap judgments and our view that we are right and others are wrong, if we could hold others and their opinions in a Holy Space, where we just listen and love, imagine the peace and unity that could happen?

The posture of my heart